Friday, November 20, 2015


How do we define ourselves? Do we compare ourselves to everyone around us? Do we let the thoughts of man control how we live? Do we allow the power of people to overtake the entire course of life? ...what about what God thinks of us? Are we more concerned of what God thinks or what man thinks? These have been some questions I have to stop and ask myself..

Currently, I'm just finishing up my 7th week at Ecola Bible School. It's been amazing, and very rough. I have found out more about myself than I'd ever like to know. I've asked so many questions about life, and God. All together, it's been quite incredible. God continues to teach me everyday.
Now, this post may not make a lot of sense, but it's the times when I feel lonely, or whatever, that I come to writing. It helps me a lot, and it's very calming.
So with that.....
I started this out by asking some questions. They're all ones I need to stop and think about. They are new to me, as well. Being here, surrounded by amazing people all the time, you start questioning a lot of things. I compare myself a lot to people, and I'm deathly afraid of the thoughts of man. Then I ask myself why? Why should I care what others think?
From experience, it ruins everything. Having fear of man keeps you from doing a lot of things. You get self-conscious, and insecure. But why? I don't get it. Why would we do that? I mean, of course, it's fear of man, and we are afraid that we'll fail and others will laugh. But it's not supposed to be that way! I find myself telling myself that it doesn't matter what others think, it only matters what God thinks. I guess you could say you lose your identity when you compare yourself to others. Or maybe its because you don't really know who you are so you try and find yourself in those around you by comparing and then trying to be like them. Then when it doesn't work out, you feel insecure because you don't know who you truly are! Our identity is in Christ! I'm just now realizing this...
It's not in what others think, its only through Christ.

Another thing God has been teaching me is this, and I can sum it up in one word:

Yep. Need I say more? Just kidding....
This has been a big lesson, and ever since I started actually surrendering everything to God and giving Him my all, I've had so much joy! Of course there are still down times, but as I look back, I'm just super happy now. Giving God everything and not holding anything back, and letting Him take control and actually allowing for Him to do that, brings me peace. I have nothing to offer, everything I have is nothing.....compared to knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
"I surrender who I've been for who You are."
The song, 'Lift my life up' by Unspoken is amazing, but the chorus sticks out to me:
"I lift my life, lift my life up. I give it all in surrender. I lift my heart, lift my heart up, you can have it forever. All my dreams, all my plans, Lord I leave it in Your hands. I lift my life, lift my life up, have Your way in me."
So I'll leave it at that. God is amazing, y'all. He really is.
Hopefully I'll be posting more, so watch out ;)

"Take my life and let it be all for You"

Monday, April 6, 2015

More thoughts....

Okay okay.
I have a question for ya....
Why do we fear things in life? Why do we want to just stay in our comfort zones?
We don't want to get hurt, we don't want to fail, we don't want to work, we don't want to do this, we don't want to do that. Am I right?
There are things in life where I just get so fearful and scared and I back down. Being that I don't know what that situation will be could be the best thing ever. But satan really plays with ya, so you'll back down, and disobey Christ.

Something I thought of yesterday is this:
Our lives are not ours. They're really His. He put us here for a reason. Why would we back down at opportunities we get?
K....I'll spill:
Lord willing, I may get the chance to go to a bible college this fall. I'm so excited and fearful at the same time. I so badly want to hear those lectures everyday, and dive deep into His word and so forth. There are chances for outreach opportunities. Helping with kids, leading worship, maybe a missions's everything I love to do! Yet....the floodgates of fear burst open and pour forth a ton of lies and fears. (writing all this out is already making me feel better!)
Why would I go with the fear? I can't. I just can't.
I've learned that you got to just go for it. Jump right in. If you don't, you start doubting.
I applied to staff for Worldview Academy this summer, but sadly didn't get in. Which is totally okay, because it means God has something different in mind!
This whole thought of a bible college is huge for me. Huge.
So I just gotta go for it. This could be the beginning to something big in my life. And I'm not gonna let fear and doubts stop me. I can't not apply. I have an opportunity, and I'm gonna take it. If I don't get it, that just means God has something different for me.
Yeah, I'll move away from my family and friends. But I'll always.....I will always have God with me.
What a great comfort!

So my point....
Don't let fear control your life. Your faith is bigger. Our God is bigger. You can do anything with God on your side. Trust in Him, He has an amazing plan for your life.
Go for it. Jump in. And keep running towards Him.


Wednesday, March 25, 2015


Well here I am again.


Sometimes we don't want to move forward in life. We want to stay in our comfort zones, be in our own little circle of friends, and are just content with where we are.
But then, God throws new possibilities at you...and you're like...whaaaa???

You stop and think. You're scared because you don't want to move forward. Why? God is leading you, so go. Don't be afraid.
What cracks me up is this- I once wanted to go to Africa. I still think it'd be the coolest thing! But when I have something that God maybe wants me to do, here in Oregon, or around the U.S., you fear. I think part of it is, when the process starts moving forward, there's fear. Why?

 I believe its satan playing with me.....again......
When things start to fall into place, the flood gates of fears and doubts burst open, and you start to back down.
Stop now! Stop right there. start to back down??
Why?? If God is leading you to do something, you have to do it! Don't back down, that's being disobedient! Follow Christ, trust in Him, and He will bless that. No, it won't be easy, but so long as you trust in Christ knowing He has you in His hands and knowing that whatever happens is for His glory, you can do it.

 Isaiah 41:10- "...fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand..."
This verse doesn't go exactly with what I'm talking about, but I thought it was really good-
Revelation 2:10- "Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life."
I love that last part, "be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life."
That's amazing. Just let that sink in!
So that's what I have.
Do not fear, but trust in Him. It'll be far better.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

This is cool.

Honest moment:
Tonight, I was feeling a bit down. Missing some friends, just...out of it. 
I watched some movies, & afterwards, I wanted to go sit on my phone. I felt I should do a study (which I've never really done before by myself) but I said 'nah, it's too late, I'm just gonna go on my phone'.
Woah. Hold up there! 

Too late for bible time, but not too late for Facebook??

That's wrong. In my book, it is. 
Soooooo, after that thought, I suddenly had this urge to get my bible & notebook out, & go for it. 

{but what do I do, where do I start?}

Well, I wanted to find a verse or 2 that went along with why I was feeling down tonight. 
Proverbs 3:5-6 came to me: 
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, & lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, & He will make straight your paths."

And then words started coming from my head, & onto my journal, & I wanted to share them:

"...with all your heart..."
That means no wavering. It means, that with your whole heart, you have no doubt; it's that you know that HE knows what's best for YOU.

" not lean on your own understanding..."
It means just what it says. Trust God...with all your heart. Not only a little...but ALL of it. 
Then don't lean on your own understanding. Because in reality, we are nothing without Him. Leaning on your own understanding means you aren't trusting Christ. You're doing just the opposite. 

" all your ways acknowledge Him, & He will make straight your paths..."
Pretty self-explanatory. 
He'll make your paths straight- it doesn't mean it'll always be easy, but He will guide you!

[ footnotes for verse 6: "Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD." Jeremiah 9:23-24]

We have nothing to boast in. 
Except Christ!!!

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,
not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
Ephesians 2:8-9

And one more footnote that went along with verse 6, that I think is really good: 

"And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever." 1 Chronicles 28:9

So there it is guys. 
Hopefully it made sense. 
I pray that I will remember this, & fully 100% trust in my Savior. He knows far better than I ever will. 
I also pray that this will speak to y'all & be an encouragement. God's word is powerful. Our God is amazing. 

See....if I would've chosen to pout & go sit on my phone, this post would not be here right now. I wouldn't of felt any better, because c'mon guys...let's be honest....our phones & social media apps don't 'heal' us or give us peace. Don't get me wrong, they aren't bad! It's totally okay to be on your phone. But my point I'm getting at is this: what's the better/wiser choice? 
I just figured that out tonight. 
My phone will not be here forever. 
God's word will be. 
My phone doesn't bring me 'true' peace.
God gives us true peace. A 'peace that surpasses all understanding.'

Hope y'all have a blessed weekend!


Friday, March 13, 2015

Just read this.

This post is gonna be a little different.
 I hope it somehow encourages you. 

I wanted to honor one of my friends. To show her how much I love her. To show you how great God is. And also to show you that sharing your troubles, & talking to people, is a great thing to do!! God works in amazing ways, I'm tellin' ya! 

So anyways....let me begin.


My family & I recently bought a family business. (check out my moms blog-- link will be in the end).
God totally led my parents in to this, & He blessed us sooo much! 
We bought it from this *precious* family in Tennessee. 
My parents flew out, & they knew right away that this is what God had for us. 
A couple weeks later, we had this family, (well...4 out of 7 of them) fly out to us, to help us get started. 
Never did I think that after 3 days together, we'd all be like family. (Praise God!!) I was dreading the day when they had to leave, because I knew it'd be hard, & I didn't want to have to say goodbye. 
Well that day came, & it was tough. But I'm so thankful for media, so we can keep in touch! 
Their daughters & I are like sisters. We had so much fun. And I miss them so much! 
Well their mom....(we'll call her...Marie. Ha! Coding it there, heehee!) I am still blown away at what God has done. 
We started emailing. I was hoping we could keep in touch, but didn't think that'd work out. Well guess again!! We emailed pretty much everyday. No joke. But these emails...they weren't like your ordinary emails. They were deep. They were meaningful. They encouraged us. They changed me. 
I love how God works. I'm serious. 
'Marie' is amazing.
No details, but she has had a very rough past. With who she is today, you wouldn't even know it. She's on fire. She inspires me.
I pretty much emptied myself to her. Everything came out. Everything was brought to the light. She made me realize that I wasn't truly repenting of certain sins, & that I wasn't truly sorry for them b.c I kept going back.


She made me realize, by Gods grace, that I haven't been loving people unconditionally. Whenever someone would get mad at me, I would almost always shut down & not talk, or get mad at them. I realized that that's not what I'm supposed to do!! And I realized I had to truly repent of those sins I mentioned up there. Guess what? By God's grace, I did. And haven't been tempted to go back. And with the loving unconditionally? It's a work in progress, I guess you could say. I'm supposed to love like Christ loves me, and He loves me through my worst!! So I need to love others. 
(See what God does when you're honest?!?)

So now you may be wondering what my point is. Hmm.....let God work through you. Share your struggles. I'll tell you right now, that if you hang onto them, it'll only get worse. I've been there. I held onto satans lies, that it took me into depression. (The- my head/thoughts kind of depression) it was awful!! 
It lasted for about a week. 
Then I finally got 'slapped', told someone briefly about it, & God put me back on track. (long story short haha).  I never want to go there again. It's dark. It's painful. I never thought I'd go through something like that. 
But do you see what happened? 
Satans lies creeped in. I believed them, refused to talk to anyone because I was mad, & it got worse. I also refused to 'fix it'. I refused to ask God for help, & to read His word. It had the snowball effect. 
Don't let that happen to you! If you're struggling with something, bring it to the light!! 

Well anyways. Now I don't know what my point was haha. 


K. Got it. 
God just blows me away. This friend of' She's like my sister. Well we are...sisters in Christ. 
I know you'll be reading this "Marie". 
Thank you for all you've done, & letting God use you. You're such a blessing to me, you have no idea, & I love you so much!!!


So guys....don't keep your struggles in. And also...don't hide the lessons (& struggles that you've been through). They can be used for Gods glory!
We all struggle. That's a fact. Some of us don't want to admit it, because we'll seem weak. What does God want you to do??

Have a blessed weekend y'all!!


( My Moms blog, she just started, check it out! )

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


My blog started out as a fostering blog type thing. I made it the night our 2nd placement came to us last year. Well...its funny....because it's totally changed since then. It's become like...a processing tool for me. I write things that I go through in hopes to glorify God, and encourage y'all.
I try to be honest. Because why keep things in when we all know that we each struggle. Some people don't want to share because they'll appear to be weak. Guess what? You may think that...but actually, when you talk to someone about your struggles, they may be struggling with the same thing.
It's so freeing to share. Take it from me, its amazing what God can do when you bring your troubles to the light.

God never ceases to amaze me. He blesses me so much. I don't even deserve any of it. Yet, He still gives. Recently, I've been emailing with a very good friend of mine. God just blows our minds, because we just see Him working! This friend of mine....I can't even tell you how blessed I am to even know her. We have shared our many struggles with each other, and its been such an encouragement to me.
I'm not sure how this post got here.....but maybe someone needed to hear this--
Guys, if you struggle with something, and are afraid to tell anyone because...well, many reasons, don't be. K?? I have held things in before, and it's grown into things so big...and I just hated it. It is SO freeing when you let those things out. It feels like a burden has been lifted off your back. God will do amazing things. Trust me.
Can't find anyone to tell? For starters...I'm here 24/7. Or, the best...your parents.


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Think about this.....

 Do you love unconditionally? 

When you love people, or your friends, is it an unconditional love? 
Do they have to act a certain way for you to love them?
Do you love them for who they are?
Do you love like Christ has loved you?
When there is a disagreement, and y'all are mad at each other, and they won't talk to you, do you still love them?
When a friend points you the right way, and tells you things you maybe are doing wrong, and they point it out of love for you, do you still love them?

Want me to be honest? I am kind of at fault with each of these. Sad to say.
I always wanted to be that girl who loves everyone unconditionally just like Christ loves me. I wanted my life to show that I strive to live for Him, that He is my all, that I'm on fire for Him, and that I love others the way He loves me. But I don't. 

Guys. Christ gave up His life for us. For you. For me. He DIED because He loved us so much. He wants to spend eternal life with us. Even though we fall, and sin everyday, He still loves us.
(preaching to myself here)
So....why can't we love like He loved us? It's hard. I admit. But He gave His life up for us. We don't even deserve it!! 
I pray that I love more fiercely. Love like He has loved me. Even when things don't go how I'd like them to, even if there are disagreements, even if someone hurts me, I still want to love like Christ loves me, and trust in Him, knowing that whatever I go through, is to grow me.

Christ does it for me everyday. 
Why can't I do it for others?  

1 John 4:19- "We love because He first loved us."

Friday, February 27, 2015

Why hello there

Well I figure I finally better post something.
This came to me today.....
I rely far too much on people, when I should be relying on Christ even more.
Far too often, people will let you down. They'll stop loving you. But Christ? He will NEVER leave or forsake you, & He will NEVER stop loving you. I need to remember that.
When I struggle in life, I find myself always running to people. Which is not necessarily wrong to do. But when I do struggle, I should first & foremost find myself on my knees, crying out to God.
Sometimes God will speak through someone to me, which is always awesome.
When trials hit, I need to be praying & reading His word, preparing myself for battle, putting on the full armor of God. Do I? No. Sad to say. When I don't, satan grabs a hold of me, and throws me all around. Why? Because I didn't stand firm. I didn't try to win. Instead, I failed. I failed b.c I wasn't on my knees, I wasn't preparing for battle.
Often times, when trials hit me, I either just let them come over me & eat me alive, or I run to tell someone, hoping THEY will help. Which again, isn't wrong, but I don't see myself running to Christ. I don't see myself trying to defeat this, in which I can't do it alone, but I don't even try. What happens, is because I've beat myself up, & let satan keep at it, I get driven off the deep end, start rejecting to read the bible, and start feeling guilty to pray, that it drives me insane that I let this happen to myself, that I don't know what to do after that!
But guess what? God does

During my different trials, it's like I've told God 'I can handle this on my own'. Ha! Yeah right Hay. Not in your life!! 
Finally after I've beaten myself up enough, it's like something slaps me across the face & I realize I've done something wrong. By Gods amazing grace, He pulls me out, brushes me off, and sets me on my feet again. The amazing thing is, is that through all of that, He still loves me. What?! Are you serious?! After I've rejected Him, after I've told Him I know better, after being a total jerk, He still loves & cares for me?? 
How amazing. where was I going with this.......
We often tell God we know better. We don't truly rely on Him. When He knows faaaaarrrrr better than we EVER could. Thing is, He puts us through trials for a reason. One being to show that we CANNOT do it alone!

"(9) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (10) For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
{2 Corinthians 12:9-10}

Oh how I wish I could be like Paul in verse 10. But I am not there yet. I'm glad God takes me through trials to teach me, but I need to be content AND joyful that He does it out of love for me.

"But God being rich in mercy because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together with Christ, by grace you have been saved."
{Ephesian 2:4-5}

God sometimes just blows me away. He is amazing.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!