Here I go again.... putting down my thoughts for the public to see. But I need to. It helps me....process, I guess.
My family and I just got back from our annual church campout. Its one of the highlights each year, for me. I love it, SO MUCH! All of my friends (more like family though), are there, and I get to spend 2-3 full days with them, laughing, hanging out, running & biking around, being crazy (which is nothing new....), and on and on.
There's a part of me that doesn't like to go. Because something happens each year, and it literally drags me to the ground. I get beat up by Satan, and it's awful.
And here's what it is.....as simple as I can:
I feel like I get ignored. Because there is so many people, I just sometimes feel.... left out. Or.... not loved.
Yeah, I know. How stupid of me. But you know what? I think Satan plays a huge part in that, and I can't get it out. He'll tells me "no one wants to be with you. No one likes you."
And then.... I break. I just can't do it.
I start getting ignorant at people, not caring about them. (but that only lasts for .... not very long, haha).
I just get..... sad.
That's a trial. And it really comes and goes. Literally.
It happened a couple of times while there, but then passes on.
What to do....what to do.....
See, the thing is, after being saved, I thought I could handle this stuff. I have God on my side.
My new thing has been to have joy and show others that I have Christ in my life.
Does that work? No.....not always.
Flesh will still get a hold of me. I absolutely hate it. Yes, strong word. But I mean it.
After a while of this crud happening during our campout, I finally grab a hold of myself... well, let me rephrase that...... Christ grabs a hold of me. And shakes me.
I believe I was reminded of this saying during one of these times-- Live everyday as if it were your last. (Or in this case, their last.)
Thinking back, I think I would battle with flesh for so long, that I just couldn't do it.... and then Christ changes my view. I would then remember that saying ^^, and then it would turn to, "What am I doing?" "WHY?"
And then it would turn to repentance.
It did happen again.
But I would repent.
Yeah, I regret that that happened, and that I let myself get to that point.....
Even though Satan will tell us that no one likes us, or we're alone, the truth is....we're not. I need to be reminded of that. Christ is always with us, He will always loves us, and He will "never leave nor forsake us."
I'm not sure if this made any sense to you.
I guess my encouragement would be this-- don't believe Satan's lies. He tries to drag us down, but our God is greater than that, and will help us through it.
As tough as it may have been for me, I think I'll walk away with this-- Don't listen to flesh. Christ is bigger and far better than that, and He will help me through it.
I feel really bad that this happened. It could have ruined friendships. But I thank God that He forgives us. And that He loves us no matter what.
Galatians 5:16-17 (this verse 'inspired' me to share all of the above)-- "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."
I will come across this again, but there's a choice, as hard as it is to choose the right one, which will I take?? Which will you take??
Let me tell you, its not fun to have this battle.
Not at all.
But what I need to remember is I am loved....by Christ. He's on my side.