Friday, October 24, 2014

Late night thoughts....

Written on Friday (today) at 1am.....yes....I was up late-ish, haha :):).............

When it's late, your mind really gets you thinking....
I want to be asleep! But I can't....so I'll share what my mind has come up with.....

What would go through your mind if you were told you had 2 months left to live?
 
Well.....I started thinking....

 I would be meeting my Savior.
Then it goes to this- wow, the great sinner that I am, and how I didn't glorify Him today, would be going to meet Him. Man, if I knew I would be leaving, even tho I'd be scared & have all these thoughts flood my mind, I feel like I would be reading the Word to find out more about Him before I meet Him.

But wait.....

Why don't I do that now?
How come I'm not striving to learn about Him, to know Him, to love Him, here in the now?
B.c I don't know when my moment will be. How come it takes a 'trial' I guess, for me to dig deep? Which isn't wrong, but shouldn't I be digging deep NOW?
In my thinking, I feel like I would have a lot of peace if I were told this. Yeah, of course it'd be so hard to hear.
And who knows.....maybe I wouldn't have a lot of peace in my brain, to be honest. (Although, He would give it) But God is over all. He is through all. And He is in all.
I need to trust Him.
I need to dig deep now. B.c I don't....

Start a fire in my soul, Lord. Help me to love you more and more each day. Give me a thirst for your Word. Help me to dive in deep.

I hope this makes you think about your life.

(If I happen to meet Him in 2 months, guys...He was saying something!)
And that concludes midnight deep thoughts with Hay.

-Hay 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

What about in the here and now?

My friend is serving in China; for 3 months, she is working in an orphanage. (Hopefully I got that right, Katie!)
Well, to be honest.......I'm sorta jealous......
I see pictures of her with these precious Chinese kids, and oh my.....I just want to be right there!
Yet, when it actually comes to thinking about it in depth, my flesh says no.
"Haylie, you'd have to go on a plane, halfway across the world. You'd be there for a long time. You might get tired. You may get nervous." And on and on!
I have learned not to let flesh take a hold, because you miss out on SO much!
But anyway.....
As I'm thinking about this, and almost longing to be there; I am almost taking something for granted.
I get to babysit for 6 awesome kids (all siblings), I also babysit my cousins (7?) month old 1-2 times a week, and I have foster siblings that I get to spend so much time with.
What I realized is that I was taking for granted what I have here, and longing to be across the globe, helping there.
Now, I am certainly not saying that going to China is...wrong, or anything. Not at all!!!
What I am saying though, is that all I need to do is look around me, and see the things I have.
If God someday would have me go across the world, then so be it!
But for now, He has blessed me with amazing kiddos to watch, here!
I need to do all for the glory of Him.
He has blessed me sooooo much, and how dare I take things for granted!

So I'll leave you with that.
Remember, I didn't say it was wrong to go elsewhere and help and serve. :)
Hopefully you see my point!

Katie, I hope you're having an AMAZING time over there!!!!!
So excited for you, and to hear all your adventures! <3

-Hay

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

It's been on my mind.

I just feel like I should blog about this. We'll see what happens....

So, there has been a forest fire near us. Like, I'd wanna say 10+ miles as the crow flies, but don't quote me. We got a little bit of ash and burnt pine needles, and some smoke. Never in my whole life of living here has a fire been this close yet so far off, haha.
Anyway, some friends of ours got a level 2 evacuation, which means 'get set'. My dad went and helped them pack things up, along with some other friends, yesterday.
They're still in their home, and doing good, as far as I have heard.
Well then, that brings a lot of thoughts to my mind.
"What if the fire comes here? What if we had to evacuate? What would I take? Would I take anything?" And so forth.....
Well, last night and this morning, I've been thinking about that stuff. It does worry me, just a bit, but not too bad. Here's why:
God brought this to me- The Lord gives, and He takes away.
If the fire were to come close here, I'd be worried about my family most of all.
But the thing is, God has brought me peace. He has this under control. It's happening for a reason. If it were to happen here, I just have to remember that in the end, what will all this stuff matter?
No, I'm not saying that I'd want this to happen. Not at all!
What I'm saying is, He's got it in His hand. There's no worries. He gave everything to us, and He has all the right to take it away.
He has given me peace about it.

So I'll leave you with that. Just felt I should share.
Jesus Christ is our everything. What more do we need?

-Hay

Sunday, September 14, 2014

What happened ??

Here I go again.... putting down my thoughts for the public to see. But I need to. It helps me....process, I guess.

My family and I just got back from our annual church campout. Its one of the highlights each year, for me. I love it, SO MUCH! All of my friends (more like family though), are there, and I get to spend 2-3 full days with them, laughing, hanging out, running & biking around, being crazy (which is nothing new....), and on and on.
Well....
There's a part of me that doesn't like to go. Because something happens each year, and it literally drags me to the ground. I get beat up by Satan, and it's awful.
And here's what it is.....as simple as I can:
I feel like I get ignored. Because there is so many people, I just sometimes feel.... left out. Or.... not loved.
Yeah, I know. How stupid of me. But you know what? I think Satan plays a huge part in that, and I can't get it out. He'll tells me "no one wants to be with you. No one likes you."
And then.... I break. I just can't do it.
I start getting ignorant at people, not caring about them. (but that only lasts for .... not very long, haha).
I just get..... sad.
That's a trial. And it really comes and goes. Literally.
It happened a couple of times while there, but then passes on.

What to do....what to do.....

See, the thing is, after being saved, I thought I could handle this stuff. I have God on my side.
My new thing has been to have joy and show others that I have Christ in my life.
Does that work?     No.....not always.
Flesh will still get a hold of me. I absolutely hate it. Yes, strong word. But I mean it.

After a while of this crud happening during our campout, I finally grab a hold of myself... well, let me rephrase that...... Christ grabs a hold of me. And shakes me.
I believe I was reminded of this saying during one of these times-- Live everyday as if it were your last. (Or in this case, their last.)

Thinking back, I think I would battle with flesh for so long, that I just couldn't do it.... and then Christ changes my view. I would then remember that saying ^^, and then it would turn to, "What am I doing?"     "WHY?"

And then it would turn to repentance.
It did happen again.
But I would repent.

Yeah, I regret that that happened, and that I let myself get to that point.....

Even though Satan will tell us that no one likes us, or we're alone, the truth is....we're not. I need to be reminded of that. Christ is always with us, He will always loves us, and He will "never leave nor forsake us."

I'm not sure if this made any sense to you.
I guess my encouragement would be this-- don't believe Satan's lies. He tries to drag us down, but our God is greater than that, and will help us through it.
As tough as it may have been for me, I think I'll walk away with this-- Don't listen to flesh. Christ is bigger and far better than that, and He will help me through it.

I feel really bad that this happened. It could have ruined friendships. But I thank God that He forgives us. And that He loves us no matter what.

Galatians 5:16-17 (this verse 'inspired' me to share all of the above)-- "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."

I will come across this again, but there's a choice, as hard as it is to choose the right one, which will I take?? Which will you take??

Let me tell you, its not fun to have this battle.
Not at all.
But what I need to remember is I am loved....by Christ. He's on my side.


-Hay










Monday, July 28, 2014

The most amazing week of my life.

Two weeks ago, I went to Worldview Academy. It was my 2nd year.
It was the best week of my life. No...it was life-changing, and the most amazing week of MY.LIFE.
I was amazed at how God worked in me, and in the other students. The worship, was like no other, seeing all these teenagers just on fire for Him. The small group times, were fantastic, and I miss them so much. The staff....there are no words to describe how amazing they were. All of them. So. amazing. The speakers...also amazing. God totally blessed me, and all of the students, that week.

I was so excited to go to camp. Although, I was struggling with my faith, and different things before I went, I had come, willing to share...to try and find answers.
Honestly, part of me didn't want to 'fix' what I was dealing with. I wasn't really caring what God had thought about what choices I was making. Nothing really bad, but in His eyes, they weren't okay. I started becoming 'worldly'. Wanting to go down that path. I had never known where I was going when I died. Part of me was worried...part of me wasn't.
I talked to my small group leader, and told her all that. And for some reason, there was still something wrong. But I couldn't figure out for the life of me what it was! Something was 'blocking' me. What was it??
The next day, July 16th, I was still struggling. That evening, we all did worship. This part of a song hit me-- "Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say, yes our hearts can say: Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did you leave us on our own. You are faithful, God you are faithful."
Even though I was struggling, I sorta knew God was there....and we had sung this song at the beginning of the week too, but for some reason, it hit me that night. I'm not really sure how. I'll say, that actually, God tugged my at heart.
 I went and talked to my small group leader again. Still...something was missing!
After letting all out which had been hidden, I said out loud....'what if I never was truly saved?'
She asked if I wanted to be. Part of me didn't want to because I had tried so much before, and it 'never worked.' But through the next...oh 10 minutes, God kept softening my heart, I guess you could say. I still had doubts that it wouldn't work. But....God knows way better than I do.
Fast forward to 11:20 that night. My small group leader and I were out on a balcony, under the stars.

And that's where I accepted Christ. For Him to take control of my life. To trust in Him. Knowing that He knows what's best for me. Jesus Christ, saved me. He.saved.me. Wow. Just wow.
I've been set free. I felt like a burden was lifted off of me.
It felt a bit different that night, but the next morning, I had joy. TRUE JOY. That only comes from Christ.
Looking back to the first couple days of camp, I was 'happy' yet something was missing. After I got saved, the last few days of camp were a blast. Because I had joy. Because Christ had saved me. Things were making sense. I actually wanted to read my bible more so than before. It was and is amazing!!
One of the speakers said this- "Its relationship, not religion." I believe that 100%. We have relationship with our Savior. Isn't that amazing?!

I thank God for what He did that week. It truly was the best week of my life.
Worldview Academy is truly amazing, and "there is simply no leadership camp like it in America."
I am so blessed God sent me there 2 years in a row. Everything about it, is awesome.

Yes... the road now, is not all peaches and cream. Satan tries to steal my joy, he gives me doubts and fears, but I have the power of the Holy Spirit now. "Its no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." I shouldn't doubt where I'm going when I die, because I KNOW where I'll go. I get to spend eternity with my Lord and Savior!

To be honest, I actually wrote this post because I was struggling with some things, and really missing Worldview and all the people. I wrote it to remind myself how amazing my God is, and what He did for me. And to show whoever reading this, how amazing He is, and that, whatever situation you're in, if it feels like there is no way out...there is. Place your trust in Him, knowing that HE knows what is best. Surrender, repent, and live your life for His glory. No, it won't always be easy, I'll be honest with you. But He will always be there for you, and He will 'never leave nor forsake you.'

Why do I follow Christ? Because I am nothing without Him. I can't do anything without Him. I NEED Him. Every hour, every day, all the time.
I have hope. Hope in a great Savior who will never leave me. Hope in eternal life spent with HIM.
Amazing??? YES!!!
I also wrote this to say--if you've never been to Worldview Academy.....GOOOO!!!! It is so worth it. Trust me. It may change your life. God will do amazing things.

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But  God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." ||Ephesians 2:1-10||

All glory be to God!!!
Hay

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Hmm...

I just had an 'experience', if you will, that I will never forget. It tore me to pieces. It just...was not fun. 
...It was a simple text message. Yeah. And I'll never forget it. I may have a little bit brought it on myself. But this person...was very harsh. It hurt...so bad. If she would've said the simple 'please', it would've been fine, but how she worded it was very hurtful. 
When something like this happens, you feel like giving revenge, or just not really wanting to talk to them, or anything. Well, the thing is...as we all know...its not right. It's not what Christ would want us to do. Think about Jesus for a minute. We sin. Every. Stinkin. Day. And He doesn't give us revenge! Heck, He gives us just the opposite, & that is love. He loves us even in our worst sin. Yeah, it's kinda hard to believe! But it's amazing. This is something I need to work on. Realizing His love for me. Sometimes you feel that, 'well, no one loves me.' Or 'I'm just lonely all the time.' One of my really good friends told me this- 
"Feeling like you're alone, or unsure that He loves you is like feeling like you're Mongolian.... it's just not true." 
That is so great. 
So I guess my point...
When someone hurts your feelings, just let it go for a little, pray about it, & then do the right thing. And it's hard. It is SO hard. But, if we aren't showing love, we aren't showing Christ. 
And we need to forgive the person that hurts our feelings, because that's what Christ did for us.
I am not like this, to be honest. I need to be, though. We need to have the mind-set of showing Christ, & loving others BECAUSE we are loved by Him. 
I confess that right now, I don't really want to see this person.
When we sin, does God 'want to see us'? Well yeah. He sent his Son to DIE for us. How HARD that must of been. 

Stuff to think about...

Hay 

As I write, it's like my thinking pad. 
I am at fault here. 
But I should probably try to do better. 
Let us remember....
"God is love."

Monday, May 5, 2014

This song...

"Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
Make me empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely"
-Keep making me. Sidewalk Prophets.

I need this. I need Christ to be my one desire. 
Really think about what this song says, guys.

Hay

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Dealing with things....

This year. 2014. Its so much different than the last 2 years. Well, duh...yea. But it really is.
I have always had the trouble of letting Facebook, Instagram, and other things in general, take me away from Christ. They'd take hours out of my day, of sitting and looking at a screen. It'd take me away from a lot of stuff. But it was so easy to let it take hours out of my day. How did I fix it? Well, I almost couldn't. Its hard to get rid of it, I admit. But you know what? I did. I ditched FB and Insta. Yes, it was hard. But what does that show? It just goes to show that those things were my life. Yea, I like to keep up with friends, and the world 'n such, but I was making them (FB/Insta) idols. No, this isn't 'fixed' all the way. I'm still working on it. But I got rid of what made me 'stumble', and now I need to put my focus on Him. It doesn't mean I'll never go back on those things. In fact, I may sometime this year. But I can't let it suck me in.
John Piper once said- "Life is wasted when we do not live for the glory of God. And I mean all of life. It is all for His glory"
Let that sink in.....

Ya know.... everything we think we own, we actually don't own it. It is all His. That may sound ridiculous, but its true. He also has given us life. But ya know what? It isn't ours. HE gave it to US. He also saved us. With His ONLY Son. So, if I'm His, then is it glorifying Him when I waste hours and hours on media??
I'm kind of thinking to myself while typing. I'm at fault here. I am NOT perfect. (well, heck..no one is)
Just be thinking about this stuff. Are you glorifying God in all you do? I know I'm not. Sad to say. We all need to remember why we're put here on earth. ;)

Back to FB....it has been pretty awesome not having it. It was a lot to ditch it. But its cool not having to worry about 'catching up on the latest news feed', and all that. I'm not saying FB/Insta, is bad. But it is if it becomes all you think about. And not JUST FB. Anything, in general. If it takes your focus away, you should take it away, for awhile at least. The first week is tough, but its really awesome. Then you have more time to do other things!
(I admit, its a little hard not seeing what friends are up to, and such, but it just makes it more special and awesome when you get to see them!)

Again... this is me sort of thinking out loud.
I want to encourage you that if you have something that makes you stumble, try to take it away for a week, or totally ditch it for a couple months. It'll be good. ;)

Hay

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Wow! It's been awhile....

An update on everything--
So, today our 2 other foster kiddos got to come visit today. It was so great!
It was very good to see them, hear their laughter, hold them in my arms, and all that fun stuff.
Our current foster kiddo really enjoyed them too. Such a fun day.

So, our current 3 year old dude....
It has been amazing. That pretty much sums it up.
He is thankful for everything. He gets excited at the littlest things. He has bonded to all of us. Its awesome. Considering what he's been through, its really amazing that he is like this.
Again, the road in fostering is not always easy. But its when we step out to obey God and what He has for us, He blesses that. There will be hard times. But its all for His glory.

I'm glad I didn't let fear take a hold of me. I'm glad God put us on this path. And I'm SO thankful for the kids He had for us. I love each of them so much. Its been a blast. :D

Hay

Friday, March 28, 2014

What's on my mind.....

Wow. So, a lot going on right now. It's hard when you know of friends who are struggling with tough things. You feel like you need to be there for them. But you can't. It kills ya.
People may ask why God puts us through hard times. Or why He puts our loved ones through hard times. Is He meaning it to be mean to them? Of course not. He's is doing it because He loves them, and wants them to grow closer to Him. We may not see those things in the midst of trials, but in the end, He is glorified.
If someone feels like God doesn't know the pain that they're going through...well guess what? He knows exactly. John 3:16 says that God sent His ONLY Son into the world, to DIE for our sins. Do you think it was maybe a little hard for God to see His only Son die? Yes! More than a little. So He knows the pain we go through.
It is very hard to see the 'good' in a trial when you're in the middle of one. But it'll turn out. Even if it seems to take forever. Just don't give up. He is trying to teach you something. He is trying to grow you more. He loves you. And He will not leave your side. I promise.

"O wondrous love that will not let me go, I cling to You with all my strength and soul.
Yet if my hold should ever fail, this wondrous love will never let me go.

O wondrous love that’s come to dwell in me. Lord who am I that I should come to know
Your tender voice assuring me, this wondrous love will never let me go.

I’m resting in the everlasting arms, in the ever faithful heart, The Shepherd of my life,
You’ll carry me on Your mighty wings of grace, keeping me until the day
I look into Your eyes"  ~O Wondrous Love


"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realise just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us, how He loves us all"
~How He loves

Hay

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

A bit of what I've learned....

Life with fostering. Oh boy.
It's been full of laughter, tears, joy, blessings, work, and all that.
But you know what? Its been amazing.
When we stepped out to obey Him in this calling, He was so gracious. He gave us the *perfect* kids.
Now, it isn't all easy. There is work. But its worth it. These kids have no one, sometimes. They had to get taken out of their home. So, for me to come alongside these kids, and help them, play with them, and to just be there for them, is a joy.
I've learned, that if we get other kiddos, to except whatever He gives us, because He is right there with us, every step, and its so fun!
So blessed. Its awesome.

Hay

Friday, March 21, 2014

I love my family. So much.

Ohmygosh people.
I adore my family. I love that my parents obeyed God to go in the 'fostering path'. Its so fun.
Right now, we are watching Frozen, and our little foster kiddo is sitting next to me with his new 'Cars' blanket. *Love.this.*

So, an 'update' on the past few days with our 3 year old foster boy.....
It has been amazing! He's adjusting SO well. God is so so so good. Today we went shopping for some things for him, and he was super adorable, and SO EXCITED! :D
Its been 2 days since we've brought him here. And its been so good.
I'm thankful that God is working in all the little details. Its been so great. I can't stop saying it.
Our kiddo has been adjusting so well: sleeping AMAZING at night, has great manners, and he has so much joy considering the circumstances he's been through. Do you see what God does when we obey?
Yes, I was scared before we brought this lil dude in to our home, but I would've missed out on so much if I would've 'freaked out'. Fostering won't always be easy, there WILL be tough times, but God works out all the details, and HE'S in control. (Personally, I need to remember this for all areas of life.) ;)
I'm so glad that God had this little guy for us. And I'm so glad that I have amazing parents that obeyed God in this calling. Because I love it so much.
There will be times when we have to say goodbye, but I get to look back and see the amazing time I had with the kiddos. I still look back, and miss the other 2 kids we had, but I get to look back to all the fun we had to.
God has blessed my family and I so much. And I am very thankful for that.
Am I worried this lil dude will leave, maybe soon, and not be my little brother? YES. I wish he, and the other 2 could be my little brothers, and sister. But I need to remember: everything that happens is for His glory, and He has it ALL planned out.
Proverbs 3:5-6- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths."
(I need to remember that daily) ;)

Hay

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Fostering...

Oh boy.
So, I'm writing about this tonight, because we are about to get our 2nd placement.
But let me not get too far ahead of myself.
Lets back up to June 2013.
We first started fostering then. We got a call for a 3 year old girl, and a 1 year old boy.
Now, before I go on.... when I was younger, I never wanted to foster, because I KNEW we'd have to let kids go. I was scared. How selfish of me! Here, these kids have no one, and I'm scared. I mean, you can have a reason to be scared, but if I would've ran with my fears, and not of done it.... I would've missed out on SO much. Seriously.
Well, we jumped into it, and I was so excited. We got the kiddos, and it was probably the best 7 months of my life. I will never forget it. Yes, there were hard and tough times, we had to 'give up' the comforts of quiet nights, clean rooms, and go to messy rooms, crying kids at night, tons of laundry, but you know what? I don't care. I had to do this for these kids. Let me rephrase that...... I GOT to do it for these kids.
Scoot forward to a month or so, ago. Those little kiddos we had.....moved on to get adopted. We were hoping we could adopt them, but God has other plans in mind. Looking back, I miss everything. The laundry, the baths, dirty dishes, poopy diapers, their laughter, the smiles, all of it!
Now.....do you see what would've happened if I would've ran with my fears?? Those 7 months would've been nothing like they were if we hadn't fostered. Fostering was amazing. I'm telling ya.
Well, lets jump ahead to today. We are getting a 3 year old boy, tonight. Am I a little scared? Yes. Am I going to let that stop me? NO. I will miss out on so much if I go to the 'fear' side.
I just need my focus and trust in HIM. He has it all planned out. This will be a journey, it will be tough, but I need to remember that in the long run.. who gets the glory for all this? Jesus Christ. He put us here for a reason. If that reason be bringing kids we don't even know into our home, live here for however long, and either adopting them, or sending them on, then so be it. He has it all planned out. And boy does He have it planned out well.
So, here we go....on a new journey.
We'll see what happens. I need to remember its all for Him, and furthering His Kingdom.
I'll keep you posted on what happens.
Just remember. Face the fears. Trust.in.Him.
Romans 8:28-"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Hay

First post- Woot! Woot!

As the first post of my blog, I'll tell you what this all will look like.
Here we go.....
This blog is about my life. I'm 18 years old. Christian. Farm girl. Oldest of 4.
I'm currently at home for this year. I feel that God wants me where I am, for now at least.
My family and I foster, kids. It has been a joy- which thats what my next post will be about.

So lets start this journey.
I'll be sharing about my life, my thoughts, amazing quotes, and all that jazz!
I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading!
God bless.

Hay