Friday, April 15, 2016

#thesesongsthough

I was lost
I was in chains
The world had a hold of me
My heart was a stone
I was covered in shame, when He came for me
 
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His presence
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms
 
Jesus, He loves me, He loves me, He is for me
Jesus, how can it be
He loves me, He is for me


 
 
 
Come out of sadness
From wherever you've been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You're not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are

 
 






Tuesday, April 5, 2016

#learningeveryday

Well...there is 24 days left here at Ecola Bible School. It's been a great year, but I can't wait to get back into farming...
I've learned a lot about myself and Christ these past several months, but there's still SO much more!
Get ready to read, cuz here we go!

Last November, I got a tattoo that simply says 'surrender'. In my last blog post, I wrote a little bit about what God was teaching me with surrendering. Basically what happened was I was holding onto something too tightly that it started taking control of my life, when finally my heart was softened towards the idea of giving it to God. I never wanted to because I wanted to keep it in my hands because it was so precious to me, but it actually just kept tearing me apart. Finally, I gave it to God, and I felt so free and joyful because I gave Him what I thought was 'so precious' to me. That's the long story, short.
So because of that, I always wanted to be reminded of that time, so I got that word printed in my arm.

Well life went on and I began to hold onto more things, and I didn't want to give them up...(the human side of me...typical) xD
So, I found myself (finally after a while) giving them to God.
A few weeks ago, I thought I had given everything to Him....there was nothing left that I was holding onto...or, so I thought....
There was something distracting me, and I couldn't figure out what it was....I knew there was something I needed to let go of....but what??

After a while, it hit me....and guess what it was?
My iPhone.
Yup.
And why didn't I realize it?
I can tell you exactly why: because it was a way of life. It was stuck to me, glued to my hand, always there, it was an idol. I never knew how much it controlled me! I was in a bondage to my phone. It pulled me in, and kept me there.

**Now let me clear something up.....I'm not saying that all smart phones are bad. But they can be if it becomes an idol. This was just something God convicted me of, and I'm not saying you need to get rid of it....so anyways, lets go on.**

Smartphones are a way of this world. Everyone and their brother has one. Since I found out that it was controlling me...the only thing to do was get rid of it....but, as I thought about this, I was like- 'I can't do this! This is the way the world rolls'........and then I stopped myself.
The way the world thinks we are good enough is if we have a smartphone, and if we don't then you get looked down on.
Wait a minute. Am I worried what the world thinks of me?
Or am I worried about what God thinks of me?
I am not of this world, so that means I don't need to have Facebook or a smartphone. I have been so distracted with the flow of how the world thinks we need to live that I totally missed that God has been trying to get my attention.
Honestly, everything we have here on earth will soon be completely gone. I have tried to fit in and find my value in worldly things and in doing so, I left God behind. I was telling Him that I knew better. I was showing Him that, to me, Facebook was more important than spending time with Him. And how dare I do that to Him.
It makes me sick sometimes with how much I push Him away because I think I know better than Him....and in reality.....I don't.
But one thing that amazes me is every time I push Him away, He always brings me back to Himself and He never ever ceases to love me.
It overwhelms me with how much He loves me. I've been ignorant, I've rejected Him, I've ran away, I've made idols.....yet, He still loves me. He loved me so much that He sent His only Son whom He loved so much, to die a bloody, gruesome death on a cross....for me. It just amazes me.

So with all that....I have yet still to get a 'dumbphone'....but currently, I have taken everything off my iPhone....it can literally only text. Some day, I'll get back on Instagram and such, but for now, I want my focus to be where it should be. I want to enjoy life to the fullest.
Life isn't about pictures and how many likes you get, or how many followers you have. It doesn't define who you are. Yes, I thought it did...for a long time, and it was awful.
I am already loved so much by Christ, I don't need others' approval.

Again, I'm not telling you to get rid of your smartphone. But if its distracting you from reality, then take a break -- really, its awesome when you can enjoy life and not worry about snapping a story on snapchat so everyone can see how cool you are. ;)

So that's been the biggest thing God has been teaching me lately. ;)




Friday, November 20, 2015

#thoughts

How do we define ourselves? Do we compare ourselves to everyone around us? Do we let the thoughts of man control how we live? Do we allow the power of people to overtake the entire course of life? ...what about what God thinks of us? Are we more concerned of what God thinks or what man thinks? These have been some questions I have to stop and ask myself..


Currently, I'm just finishing up my 7th week at Ecola Bible School. It's been amazing, and very rough. I have found out more about myself than I'd ever like to know. I've asked so many questions about life, and God. All together, it's been quite incredible. God continues to teach me everyday.
Now, this post may not make a lot of sense, but it's the times when I feel lonely, or whatever, that I come to writing. It helps me a lot, and it's very calming.
So with that.....
I started this out by asking some questions. They're all ones I need to stop and think about. They are new to me, as well. Being here, surrounded by amazing people all the time, you start questioning a lot of things. I compare myself a lot to people, and I'm deathly afraid of the thoughts of man. Then I ask myself why? Why should I care what others think?
From experience, it ruins everything. Having fear of man keeps you from doing a lot of things. You get self-conscious, and insecure. But why? I don't get it. Why would we do that? I mean, of course, it's fear of man, and we are afraid that we'll fail and others will laugh. But it's not supposed to be that way! I find myself telling myself that it doesn't matter what others think, it only matters what God thinks. I guess you could say you lose your identity when you compare yourself to others. Or maybe its because you don't really know who you are so you try and find yourself in those around you by comparing and then trying to be like them. Then when it doesn't work out, you feel insecure because you don't know who you truly are! Our identity is in Christ! I'm just now realizing this...
It's not in what others think, its only through Christ.


Another thing God has been teaching me is this, and I can sum it up in one word:

surrender
 
Yep. Need I say more? Just kidding....
This has been a big lesson, and ever since I started actually surrendering everything to God and giving Him my all, I've had so much joy! Of course there are still down times, but as I look back, I'm just super happy now. Giving God everything and not holding anything back, and letting Him take control and actually allowing for Him to do that, brings me peace. I have nothing to offer, everything I have is nothing.....compared to knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
 
"I surrender who I've been for who You are."
 
The song, 'Lift my life up' by Unspoken is amazing, but the chorus sticks out to me:
 
"I lift my life, lift my life up. I give it all in surrender. I lift my heart, lift my heart up, you can have it forever. All my dreams, all my plans, Lord I leave it in Your hands. I lift my life, lift my life up, have Your way in me."
 
 
So I'll leave it at that. God is amazing, y'all. He really is.
Hopefully I'll be posting more, so watch out ;)
 

"Take my life and let it be all for You"

Monday, April 6, 2015

More thoughts....

Okay okay.
I have a question for ya....
Why do we fear things in life? Why do we want to just stay in our comfort zones?
We don't want to get hurt, we don't want to fail, we don't want to work, we don't want to do this, we don't want to do that. Am I right?
There are things in life where I just get so fearful and scared and I back down. Being that I don't know what that situation will be like....it could be the best thing ever. But satan really plays with ya, so you'll back down, and disobey Christ.





Something I thought of yesterday is this:
Our lives are not ours. They're really His. He put us here for a reason. Why would we back down at opportunities we get?
K....I'll spill:
Lord willing, I may get the chance to go to a bible college this fall. I'm so excited and fearful at the same time. I so badly want to hear those lectures everyday, and dive deep into His word and so forth. There are chances for outreach opportunities. Helping with kids, leading worship, maybe a missions trip....it's everything I love to do! Yet....the floodgates of fear burst open and pour forth a ton of lies and fears. (writing all this out is already making me feel better!)
Why would I go with the fear? I can't. I just can't.
I've learned that you got to just go for it. Jump right in. If you don't, you start doubting.
I applied to staff for Worldview Academy this summer, but sadly didn't get in. Which is totally okay, because it means God has something different in mind!
This whole thought of a bible college is huge for me. Huge.
So I just gotta go for it. This could be the beginning to something big in my life. And I'm not gonna let fear and doubts stop me. I can't not apply. I have an opportunity, and I'm gonna take it. If I don't get it, that just means God has something different for me.
Yeah, I'll move away from my family and friends. But I'll always.....I will always have God with me.
What a great comfort!






So my point....
Don't let fear control your life. Your faith is bigger. Our God is bigger. You can do anything with God on your side. Trust in Him, He has an amazing plan for your life.
Go for it. Jump in. And keep running towards Him.

Hay

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Fear....

Well here I am again.

Thinking.....

Sometimes we don't want to move forward in life. We want to stay in our comfort zones, be in our own little circle of friends, and are just content with where we are.
But then, God throws new possibilities at you...and you're like...whaaaa???


 
 
You stop and think. You're scared because you don't want to move forward. Why? God is leading you, so go. Don't be afraid.
What cracks me up is this- I once wanted to go to Africa. I still think it'd be the coolest thing! But when I have something that God maybe wants me to do, here in Oregon, or around the U.S., you fear. I think part of it is, when the process starts moving forward, there's fear. Why?
 
 



 I believe its satan playing with me.....again......
When things start to fall into place, the flood gates of fears and doubts burst open, and you start to back down.
Stop now! Stop right there. Wait...you start to back down??
 
Why?? If God is leading you to do something, you have to do it! Don't back down, that's being disobedient! Follow Christ, trust in Him, and He will bless that. No, it won't be easy, but so long as you trust in Christ knowing He has you in His hands and knowing that whatever happens is for His glory, you can do it.
 
 



 
 
 
 Isaiah 41:10- "...fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand..."
 
 
This verse doesn't go exactly with what I'm talking about, but I thought it was really good-
Revelation 2:10- "Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life."
I love that last part, "be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life."
That's amazing. Just let that sink in!
 
 
So that's what I have.
Do not fear, but trust in Him. It'll be far better.
 


 


Thursday, March 19, 2015

This is cool.

Honest moment:
Tonight, I was feeling a bit down. Missing some friends, just...out of it. 
I watched some movies, & afterwards, I wanted to go sit on my phone. I felt I should do a study (which I've never really done before by myself) but I said 'nah, it's too late, I'm just gonna go on my phone'.
Woah. Hold up there! 

Too late for bible time, but not too late for Facebook??

That's wrong. In my book, it is. 
Soooooo, after that thought, I suddenly had this urge to get my bible & notebook out, & go for it. 

{but what do I do, where do I start?}

Well, I wanted to find a verse or 2 that went along with why I was feeling down tonight. 
Proverbs 3:5-6 came to me: 
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, & lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, & He will make straight your paths."

And then words started coming from my head, & onto my journal, & I wanted to share them:

"...with all your heart..."
That means no wavering. It means, that with your whole heart, you have no doubt; it's that you know that HE knows what's best for YOU.

"...do not lean on your own understanding..."
It means just what it says. Trust God...with all your heart. Not only a little...but ALL of it. 
Then don't lean on your own understanding. Because in reality, we are nothing without Him. Leaning on your own understanding means you aren't trusting Christ. You're doing just the opposite. 

"...in all your ways acknowledge Him, & He will make straight your paths..."
Pretty self-explanatory. 
He'll make your paths straight- it doesn't mean it'll always be easy, but He will guide you!

[ footnotes for verse 6: "Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD." Jeremiah 9:23-24]

We have nothing to boast in. 
Except Christ!!!

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,
not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
Ephesians 2:8-9

And one more footnote that went along with verse 6, that I think is really good: 

"And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever." 1 Chronicles 28:9


So there it is guys. 
Hopefully it made sense. 
I pray that I will remember this, & fully 100% trust in my Savior. He knows far better than I ever will. 
I also pray that this will speak to y'all & be an encouragement. God's word is powerful. Our God is amazing. 

See....if I would've chosen to pout & go sit on my phone, this post would not be here right now. I wouldn't of felt any better, because c'mon guys...let's be honest....our phones & social media apps don't 'heal' us or give us peace. Don't get me wrong, they aren't bad! It's totally okay to be on your phone. But my point I'm getting at is this: what's the better/wiser choice? 
I just figured that out tonight. 
My phone will not be here forever. 
God's word will be. 
My phone doesn't bring me 'true' peace.
God gives us true peace. A 'peace that surpasses all understanding.'

Anywho. 
Hope y'all have a blessed weekend!

Hay




Friday, March 13, 2015

Just read this.

This post is gonna be a little different.
 I hope it somehow encourages you. 

I wanted to honor one of my friends. To show her how much I love her. To show you how great God is. And also to show you that sharing your troubles, & talking to people, is a great thing to do!! God works in amazing ways, I'm tellin' ya! 

So anyways....let me begin.


 
 

My family & I recently bought a family business. (check out my moms blog-- link will be in the end).
God totally led my parents in to this, & He blessed us sooo much! 
We bought it from this *precious* family in Tennessee. 
My parents flew out, & they knew right away that this is what God had for us. 
A couple weeks later, we had this family, (well...4 out of 7 of them) fly out to us, to help us get started. 
Never did I think that after 3 days together, we'd all be like family. (Praise God!!) I was dreading the day when they had to leave, because I knew it'd be hard, & I didn't want to have to say goodbye. 
Well that day came, & it was tough. But I'm so thankful for media, so we can keep in touch! 
Their daughters & I are like sisters. We had so much fun. And I miss them so much! 
Well their mom....(we'll call her...Marie. Ha! Coding it there, heehee!) I am still blown away at what God has done. 
We started emailing. I was hoping we could keep in touch, but didn't think that'd work out. Well guess again!! We emailed pretty much everyday. No joke. But these emails...they weren't like your ordinary emails. They were deep. They were meaningful. They encouraged us. They changed me. 
I love how God works. I'm serious. 
'Marie' is amazing.
No details, but she has had a very rough past. With who she is today, you wouldn't even know it. She's on fire. She inspires me.
I pretty much emptied myself to her. Everything came out. Everything was brought to the light. She made me realize that I wasn't truly repenting of certain sins, & that I wasn't truly sorry for them b.c I kept going back.


 
 

 
She made me realize, by Gods grace, that I haven't been loving people unconditionally. Whenever someone would get mad at me, I would almost always shut down & not talk, or get mad at them. I realized that that's not what I'm supposed to do!! And I realized I had to truly repent of those sins I mentioned up there. Guess what? By God's grace, I did. And haven't been tempted to go back. And with the loving unconditionally? It's a work in progress, I guess you could say. I'm supposed to love like Christ loves me, and He loves me through my worst!! So I need to love others. 
(See what God does when you're honest?!?)

So now you may be wondering what my point is. Hmm.....let God work through you. Share your struggles. I'll tell you right now, that if you hang onto them, it'll only get worse. I've been there. I held onto satans lies, that it took me into depression. (The- my head/thoughts kind of depression) it was awful!! 
It lasted for about a week. 
Then I finally got 'slapped', told someone briefly about it, & God put me back on track. (long story short haha).  I never want to go there again. It's dark. It's painful. I never thought I'd go through something like that. 
But do you see what happened? 
Satans lies creeped in. I believed them, refused to talk to anyone because I was mad, & it got worse. I also refused to 'fix it'. I refused to ask God for help, & to read His word. It had the snowball effect. 
Don't let that happen to you! If you're struggling with something, bring it to the light!! 

Well anyways. Now I don't know what my point was haha. 

*~*~*~*

K. Got it. 
God just blows me away. This friend of mine....it's....like....AMAZING. She's like my sister. Well we are...sisters in Christ. 
I know you'll be reading this "Marie". 
Thank you for all you've done, & letting God use you. You're such a blessing to me, you have no idea, & I love you so much!!!



 
 
 

So guys....don't keep your struggles in. And also...don't hide the lessons (& struggles that you've been through). They can be used for Gods glory!
We all struggle. That's a fact. Some of us don't want to admit it, because we'll seem weak. What does God want you to do??

Have a blessed weekend y'all!!

Hay

( My Moms blog, she just started, check it out! www.blessedhomesteadinglife.blogspot.com )